


Halloween Is Scarier As An Adult

by experimentaldrama



Category: Gintama
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, Gintama Shenanigans, M/M, Might Be More Ironically Tropey Than Gintama Itself, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 09:17:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7568650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/experimentaldrama/pseuds/experimentaldrama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Halloween at the Yorozuya, and Kagura is determined to figure out, and conquer, this strange Earth ritual, but it's not at all how she expected- does Halloween usually include drunken brawls and drunken kisses, the Freedom Force sporting Tinker Bell dresses and terrible zombie face paint, Shinsengumi idiots passing out right on your doorstep, and a depressing lack of actual candy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this'll be a pretty short, mostly lighthearted plot, intended to offset some of the hurt from recent developments. Bear with me if it takes a little while to update or gets boring, but most importantly...Enjoy this half Yorozuya, half Gintoki/Katsura, with a sprinkling of Otae/Kyubei for good measure, weird and very Gintama Halloween skit.

October 30th

“Gin-chan, Gin-chan, what’s Halo Bean?” Kagura had raced in the door not a moment earlier, nearly knocking it down, a panicked look on her face that suggested she was near tears. “Soyo-chan just mentioned it, yes, but I was too embarrassed to ask what she meant!”

The samurai was lazing on the couch. He had raised his head slightly at her dramatic entrance, but he lowered it after hearing her plight of the day. “Huh? You mean Halloween? How many years have you been on Earth, haven’t you heard of that? Plus, you really shouldn’t worry about that crap, it’s boring anyways-“ He was cut off, as Kagura had appeared in front of his face, pulling him into a sitting position.

There was a crazed look in her eyes as she shook him frantically. “Tell me what this Jello Bean thing is! I’m begging you!” He continued to stare at her with bored eyes.

“Oy, oy now, I don’t know as much about it as you think! Sure, there were a few times…where I… but I mostly just got drunk, you know?” She didn’t move, so he closed his eyes with the utmost patience. “Basically, it’s this holiday, where adults give kids in cheap costumes candy that’ll probably just make them sick later, and in return they kidnap a few of the brats in the worst costumes and eat them for dinner. It’s a lose-lose situation, really.” She stopped shaking him abruptly.

“Really, Gin-chan!” Kagura said in a stoic, soldierly manner. “So basically, I have to wear the best costume so I’ll get the most candy! Will you provide such costume!?”

“I really don’t know how you understood the premise of Halloween so perfectly, but no!” he replied in kind. But she had already raced out the door.

“I have so little time!” her voice trailed away. He sighed. Brats would always be impossible.

A polite knock on the door that wasn’t at all needed, and it slid open once again, Shinpachi standing in the doorway, armed with groceries to the teeth, with a confused expression. “Was that just-“

“Really, just don’t ask.” He rubbed the back of his head.

Shinpachi started to say something but stopped himself with a laugh. 

Gintoki rubbed his shoulders where Kagura had grabbed him like a doll- that kid had way too strong a grip. Now that he was sitting up, he didn't see the point in sleeping the day away anymore. “Anyways, what’s that brat doing running off when we have a job later?”

“Oh, I forgot all about that! Thank goodness you remembered, Gin-san.” Shinpachi paused with a frown. “How did you remember, anyways?”

The samurai waved away his innocent jab with a hand. “I’m sick of eating bland food, you know?”

//

The two of them eventually made their way over to the job with little trouble, as far as Gintoki was concerned- seeing a few policemen trying to kill their superiors wasn’t a big deal in this day or age anymore, was it?

The Edo air, which usually would be scorching at the hours of noon, was pleasantly cool. That was one advantage of the autumn season, Gintoki supposed. Really, it was an overall pleasant afternoon, something that was embarrassing to admit for Gintoki, whom prided himself on his sloth. People moved about as usual, but they were in no rush, admiring the cool air and the eager kids chasing each other in the alleyways. The sky was tinged a light shade of pink, almost like the color of blood-tainted water running in rivulets down limbs in the rain—

Gintoki huffed, shaking his head and earning a weird look from Shinpachi. He glanced down at the slip of paper the man who had come the other day, panicked and desperate (as their clients usually were), had left with them. It was surely the right address, so why had they arrived at a rundown house that was falling apart at the very seams?

The house was a faded tawny with weathered walls and a slightly darker brown trim, all of which was peeling off of the surface. One of the windows had a small hole in it that looked guilty of a baseball flying through it, and the house almost seemed to be tilting sadly.

In comparison to this house, their own Yorozuya might be comparable to a palace-- if you rounded up, that is.

“Um- what’s with this-“Gintoki struggled for words- “This depressing house that looks like a slouching middle schooler?”

“Gin-san, are you sure you have the right address?” He took the slip of paper from Gintoki’s hands.

Gin suddenly straightened his back. “There is no way, no way, okay? This bastard won’t have any money-“

He was interrupted by the loud sound of a creak. The front door slid open painfully, and their client, a wide grin stretching his face, emerged from the shack.

“Greetings!” he said, rushing to meet them, even though he was impeded by a bad limp. “Yorozuya Gin-chan! It’s a pleasure! Please, please come in!”

The two didn’t move an inch. “Are you our client from yesterday?” Gintoki asked suspiciously.

“Of course he is!” Shinpachi hissed. “How could you forget his face already?!”

“Well, he has such a- you know- forgettable face!” he whispered back loudly. The man just stared at them, the smile not leaving his face. He stepped forward, shaking Gintoki's hand happily, with so much of his strength that veins were visibly straining in the back of his hand.

“Uh, so, old man? You actually have any money? Plus, doesn’t it hurt to be smiling so much? Won’t you tear your face?” Gintoki addressed their client.

There was a loaded pause. “Well, you see, I don’t actually have any money—right now—“

The two spun around, Gintoki clicking his tongue apologetically. “Sorry, nii-chan.”

They attempted to leave, but before they could take a step, the grown man latched onto Gintoki’s leg, bending his face up to smile painfully at the two of them. “Please, please hear me out! Don’t just walk away! I need this! And you, aren’t you supposed to be the welcoming, nice one?!”

Shinpachi pushed up his glasses with an unflinching look. “Money isn’t a joke.”

Gintoki attempted to shake the grown man off of his leg with a growl. “Hey, old man, no money, no game, un-da-stand?” He uttered the last word in a stuttering English.

“Wait! My- my wife left me, and my whole life has gone to shambles! She’s bringing my only son over for Halloween, he’s only seven, for only the second visit this year! And he’s the world to me, can’t you understand, friend?”

“…That’s the most bland, uncreative sob story I’ve ever heard in my life, old man.”

“Please stop calling me old man! I’m only thirty-five!” He stopped to catch his breath, tears forming in his eyes. “And I, I really want to impress him with good Halloween decorations, but I’m running out of time, and it’s really hard to do it alone. Especially… with a bad leg…”

Shinpachi and Gintoki looked at each other for a split second. “…Huh? Thirty-five? But you have a comb-over, man! A comb-over! And sallow cheeks, greying hair!”

“That was what you were focusing on!?” Shinpachi yelled indignantly, dutifully fulfilling his straight-man responsibility. "And plus, that's not shockingly unusual, Gin-san!"

The man was crying softly now. “The war, I never thought I of all people would survive… I was ready to die from day one… But there are miracles, you know… And then I had a wife, a family, a future, and I... I screwed it all up!” He stopped, wiping his face on Gintoki’s yukuta.

Gintoki yelled, kicking him squarely in the nose.

“Of course… Fine, we’ll help you.” Shinpachi was saying with a kind face.

Gintoki made another shriek of dissent, trying to interject, but the man was already shaking both their hands and thanking them over and over and over for their unforgettable kindness, eyes red.

 

And thus, Gintoki and Shinpachi were sentenced to a night of decorating a shack even poorer than the Yorozuya with Halloween decorations, a holiday Gintoki usually never bothered to even celebrate.

 

“Why do I have to do this?” he complained for not the first time that evening, hooking a line of skeletal lights over the entrance. “If you wanted to take pity on that man-child, you could’ve done it yourself.”

“You’re one to talk about being a man-child! Plus, it’s both of our responsibilities. I thought you might take pity, since you were in that same war!”

“Huh? Did he say he was in a war? I kinda, zoned out, you know?”

Shinpachi groaned. “Kagura-chan never did show up, did she? I forgot all about her with the job. We could’ve used her help…” He continued on into the small house, examining the space. “There’s not much room for creativity here, really. And plus, he gave us these old, cheap decorations.”

“Probably picked those up from a dumpster or something.”

“And th—“ Shinpachi’s voice broke off into a shrill shriek. He leapt back several feet, vertically and horizontally. “Gin-saaaaan—“

“What?” Gintoki stared at the terrified boy with impassive eyes. “What’s wr-“

Without any warning, a large, unnaturally fat rat scurried into the light. Gin took a step back. “It’s just a rat, Pattsuan.”

“Yes, but…” He spoke no further, because at that moment, the rat trembled and then opened its eyes to the illuminated room. Where normally there were beady, black eyes, there were a pair of glowing green eyes that stretched way too far on its large face. They seemed almost metallic, even when they had a definite sheen of life to them.

“Ah—ah, that’s—creepy, very creepy,” Gintoki said, grinding his teeth. “What the fu-“

Shinpachi had placed himself behind his back like a little kid. “Hey, grow a spine!”

“Maybe it’s better that you handled this one, Gin-san.”

“Well.... No need.” The rat began backtracking its way back to whatever hole it had crawled out of.

“Wait, you’re just gonna let it go back?”

“I never agreed to any extermination, especially of some weird Amanto rat. Plus, we ain’t getting paid for this in the first place, so there’s no point. Let’s just half-ass these decorations and get out.”

 

They did, admittedly, do the best job they could with the decorations. Shinpachi argued that they couldn’t have done any better with their given supplies, as they carefully stepped out of the house, admiring their handiwork.

None of the skepticism that was in Gintoki’s eyes was in the eyes of their employer, though. They were shining, another shaking smile that somehow seemed more sincere than any of the previous plastered onto his face. “Thank you, thank you so much!”

“Uh, yeah…” Gintoki shrugged.

“I could kiss you right now!”

“Yeah, don’t.”

The man laughed wholeheartedly, winking at Gintoki. Shinpachi stood to the side, watching the exchange with a concerned expression. 

"Also," their employer said after a couple more erratic giggles. "Take a look at-- this!" From behind his back, he pulled a couple slips of fabric out that were hastily sewn together in some semblance of an outfit. It took the two of them a few awkward moments to realize that it was a Halloween costume, handmade with dull green fabric. 

There was a split second where both of them gaped, wide-eyed, at the abomination. Gintoki turned to Shinpachi. "...What are we supposed to do?" he whispered frantically. "At first I was pissed, but now I'm pitying him! The poor guy! He made an ogre costume like that! Is it for his son? Is that it?!"

"I thought it was a goblin?!" Shinpachi's voice reflected his own, a screeching whisper. "I don't know! Should we have tried harder on the house!?"

The man walked forward, not having heard- or pretending to not have heard- the conversation. “Here,” he said simply, turning to Shinpachi and pressing two items into his palm- it was a small gold charm and another slip of paper with a phone number printed on it. “I swear I won’t forget this debt.”

“We’d love to get paid, but really all we did was decorate your house, mister…” The concerned expression was still on Shinpachi’s face, but it wasn’t clear who the concern was for anymore.

“I mean, I didn’t think—after the war, it just seemed so far away, the world. I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone, and then I did, but after my wife left me, it just seemed like I didn’t deserve anyone anyways… I don’t think I can do this anymore, I feel so broken all the time.” He breathed. “I lost all my friends…”

He opened his mouth again, but before he could get in another word Gintoki was standing in front of him, an inscrutable look on his face. He was honestly trying to muster a straight face for the sake of the ex-soldier, but it was depressingly difficult. 

He looked at the man with only slightly more emotion than usual before Gintoki rolled his eyes. “Well, I wouldn’t wanna hang out with you while you’re so depressing.” His voice dropped, becoming serious. “Shut up. I can see your friends rolling in their graves, the way you’re wasting your life complaining about your shortcomings. Go enjoy your life, you fucking idiot. Don’t spend it living in the past.”

He didn’t share another word to explain, but the two of them shared an oddly long moment, the man’s lip quivering like he was about to cry again. He looked down, his voice breaking. “I know, I know, it’s just so—“

Seemingly stopping in his tracks, he raised his face back to Gintoki’s, something unfamiliar to Shinpachi in his widening eyes. It was as if he were seeing the man, with his fluffy silver head of curls and bored eyes the color of rust, for the first time. “Wait,” he said, face paling a few shades and wide grin no longer on his face. “Are you—“

But the incomplete Yorozuya Gin-chan had already turned their back to him, walking away. “Sorry!” Shinpachi called. “It’s pretty late, so we have to get back!”

“Don’t forget to pay us later!” Gintoki added.

As they were walking away, the man’s gaze hot on their backs, Shinpachi let out another gust of air. “That was pretty anticlimactic...You always have to give your weird speeches, huh? Is that part of being a main character?”

“Guess so.”

//

Kagura never returned for dinner that night, but Otose came upstairs to assure them that she was safe and just busy with something, not specifying what, but they could guess. Shinpachi slept over on the couch, pulling his blanket out of the closet.

It was two in the morning, maybe, when Gintoki vaguely heard the door slide open and an evil giggle nearly being concealed as girlish passed through the walls.

He only closed his eyes, pulling his own blanket further onto his face. “It’ll be a long day tomorrow,” he muttered into the cloth.


	2. 2

October 31st, Part 1

There was an echoing slap as Kagura lashed across Gintoki’s face painfully, the edges of her nails nearly tearing the skin of his face. The samurai opened one eye and glared at the monstrous girl hovering over his bed and the similar victim holding his red cheek with a hand and looking tired. Then, with minimal effort, he dug his way back into the dream world.

“Hey!” Kagura shouted, landing more hits on his innocent face. “How- have- you- become- immune- to- my- wake up- calls?!” In between every word she slapped him again. “Shinpachi, bring the ice water!”

Gintoki groaned. “Shut up, will you? What time is it anyways? I haven’t done anything to deserve this treatment, I really haven’t.”

“You sleep in every day!” Kagura’s tone was exasperated, but there was a frightening excitement in her eyes. “And today, it’s Hall Of Weebs, so you should get up, yes?”

“Give me a break.” Gintoki sat up slowly, agonizingly slowly, in Kagura’s opinion. The Yato sported a gleeful smile and a dangerous look. To anyone else, the girl would certainly be described as adorable in her rabid excitement for trick or treating, but Gintoki and Shinpachi were more cautious than ever.

“…So, Kagura-chan,” Shinpachi begun conversationally. “Did you say that you were making costumes for Halloween?”

“Yup!”

“Where are they? Do you need any help with them? Actually, Aneue taught me how to sew a long time ago…”

“Don’t worry, Anego already helped me with them, mhm!”

“She did?” Shinpachi was laughing nervously.

“In fact, I did more than make costumes, you losers!” Kagura seemed to be reaching her ultimate point of eagerness. “I… set up a Halloween party! And _everyone_ is invited, yes!”

“…Everyone?”

//

The trio had made their way down to the Snack Shop, following a humming Kagura that claimed she had to speak with the old lady.

“Gin-san…By everyone, you don’t think?” He bit his lip. "You don't think that Kagura invited those sworn enemies...?"

“Hmm?” Gintoki hadn’t shown any surprise at Kagura’s declaration. “No, no, Pattsuan. That kind of plot would be way too chronologically convenient. There is no way that Kagura invited both the Shinsengumi and Zura, I tell you. We’ve had that plot way too many times, I tell you!”

“…You know, your words don’t match your calm facial expression, Gin-san.”

Otose was already at the counter, cleaning off drinks and dirt that probably belonged to the former night. She looked up as Kagura skipped into the room with the same weathered, nearly motherly expression as always, but a tiny smile quirked at her lips today. “Did it go as planned, Kagura?”

“Huh?!” Shinpachi shrieked. “You’re, you’re in on it, Otose-san?! Don’t you understa-“

“What, you don’t want this child to have any fun? She won’t stay a kid forever, you know!”

“Actually, she might.” Gintoki interjected lazily.

“Shut up, perm bastard!”

“Shut up, all of you, and stop fighting!” Kagura’s voice lorded over the rest of theirs, booming like she held a megaphone to her face. They all turned to look at her instinctually, from her place standing on a chair to gain more height. “Okay, so-- here’s the plan. We go treat or tricking and rob the whole town of their candy, mmhm, then we have a huge party and have fun!”

“That’s so loose!” Shinpachi screamed instantly. “That’s too loose a plan, Kagura-chan!”

“It sounds good to me.” Otose had placed a cigarette in her mouth, looking fondly at the girl.

“Yeah, can it, glasses!” She hopped down from the chair, rummaging in her pockets. Her three audience members seemed to lean forward in anticipation. She pulled out a folded piece of paper, only slightly crumpled with a tear on one corner. “Here!” Proudly, she showed a handmade invitation, scribbled in nearly illegible handwriting, “Halloween Party at Yorozuya Gin-chan! (No Costume, No Admission, No Candy, No Admission)”

“Are you trying to rob them of their candy? Is that what this is?” Shinpachi had his face in his hands by now and didn’t even bother yelling, he just sounded dejected.

At the bottom of the page, there was a crudely drawn picture, done with colored pencils, no doubt.  “Wow, that’s pretty good, Kagura.” Otose remarked. It showed Gintoki, Kagura, Shinpachi, and Sadaharu standing at the center, with Otae, Katsura, Otose, Tama, and Catherine by their sides, and extended with people all the way to the sides of the page, all smiling, even if a select few were shown trying to kill each other.

“So, who exactly did you give this invitation to?” Gin looked pained, as if he were dreading the answer.

“Well…everyone I ran into, yes? Old lady, Tama, Anego, Zura and all the Joui, Tsukki and all the Hyakka, Hedero, and…” She listed off the people on fingers. “Well, I kinda forget who else, but it was at least five times that.”

“Five times?!” Shinpachi’s voice was surely running dry by now.

“The only one I forgot…” Kagura looked thoughtful and sad, like she had tried very hard but failed. “The only people I couldn’t find were the stupid policemen, yes?”

Shinpachi and Gintoki gave an audible wheeze of relief. “Oh, thank goodness!” Shinpachi exclaimed. “We thought for su-“

At that moment, the door opened, and a hairy gorilla entered boldly, for once having all his clothes on properly. The two of them stared, mouths agape but no sound coming out. 

“Hello?” he said politely. “I’m looking for Otae-san?”

“Damn it all!” Shinpachi shrieked, banging his fist on the table.

“Ah, just in time, gorilla!” Kagura beamed. She skipped over to him, an unnatural hop in her step. Before Gintoki or Shinpachi could even try to stop her, or reason with her, she already put a nail in all their coffins. “Hey, we’re having a party over here tonight, so come…okay?” The last word was spoken with a threatening fire in her eyes.

“A party…” He made a low suspicious sound in his throat, before laughing. “Well, that sounds like fun! Toshi and Sougo don’t get out enough anyways!” He took the invitation from her hands and read it.

Kagura rolled her eyes. “Just admit that you like stalking Anego, anyways. I wouldn’t invite you if you weren’t so stinkin’ rich, anyways…”

Kondo pretended not to hear her. “Well, if you see Otae-san, let me know! We’ve been gettin’ pretty close lately, if you know what I mean!” He walked out of the room, as quickly as he had entered.

 

Gintoki plopped down into an empty chair dramatically. “Why does this always happen to me…”

Otose promptly whacked him across the head. “Try being happy for your kid once, hey?”

He turned to her, eyes narrowed in mock rage. “She’s not my kid, hag!”

The squabble turned into an all-out verbal battle, with Otose frequently hitting him to accentuate her words. At such an early time of the morning, Gintoki’s physical wounds caused by monsters had skyrocketed into double digits without even leaving the house.

Kagura turned to Gintoki, whom was now silently rubbing his head in resentment like a child berated for eating out of the cookie jar before dinner (which, to be fair, is not that farfetched an analogy). “Okay, Gin-chan, before the party you’re taking me trick or treating, so be ready, yes?”

“This is obvious abuse!” Gintoki complained.

“Wait,” Shinpachi said suddenly. “Kagura-chan, where are your costumes, anyways?”

Kagura giggled ominously. “I was waiting for you to ask that, straight man trash!”

“Excuse me?!”

The girl ran behind the counter and crouched down, rooting about for some covered item. “And…ta-da!” She laid down three costumes, in order of size from largest to smallest. Gintoki and Shinpachi’s reaction could only be described as horrified. “T-these are…”

"These...are..."

 

“Gin-chan, you’re some kind of zombie... I think... cause of your dead fish eyes and all your ugly scars, yes? Well, it doesn’t really matter what you are, as long as you look gross! That’s my vision!” Kagura made a pose like a tortured artist, covering her eyes with a hand. “Pattsuan, you’re the fairy princess you’ve always wanted to be!”

“I’ve obviously gotten the short end of the stick here, Kagura-chan!”

“And me…” She paused for dramatic effect. “I’m a badass gunner, mhm!”

"Oh, my god." Shinpachi looked like he wanted to cry.

The “zombie” costume was a pair of torn ripped blue jeans and a similarly ravaged grey undershirt, complete with a cheap looking makeup kit that had “ZOMBIE” written across the front.

The fairy princess costume was, as its name guaranteed, a medium-length blue dress with sparkles adorning the front, and a pipe-cleaner crown with silver glitter. A sad-looking wand with a heart at the end sat to the side, a little bent out of shape.

And, finally, the smallest costume- a camo suit, dirty with soil and bright pink fake blood, and a heavy-looking rifle gleaming proudly on top of the stack.

“Kagura-chan…” Sweat was forming around the teenager’s temples, and his glasses, reflecting the light, covered his expression, but his lips were still pursed. “That gun is, um, the only thing that looks authentic in that whole mess.”

“Don’t be silly!” The small Yato hefted the gun and pretended to take aim. She fingered the trigger like an arcade game. “See, it’s only a toy—“

There was a loud booming sound as a bullet erupted from the gun, clipping Shinpachi’s hair and narrowly missing his head.

He screamed, more affronted than surprised.

“Oh,” Kagura said in monotone. “I forgot to unload it.”

//

“I think you’re confused, Kagura-chan,” Shinpachi was trying to explain. “We don’t ever ‘trick or treat’, like you say. That’s western. Who’d you get that from, anyways? Halloween is all about costumes! An otaku haven, really.”

Kagura adamantly refused this conclusion. “No, no, I was told that there would be candy! Gin-chan promised!”

Shinpachi was beginning to lose his patience- they’d been repeating this cycle of denial for at least ten minutes now. “Kagura-chan, didn’t you ask for candy to attend the party? If it’s not enough for you, we can buy you some more…” He turned to Gintoki, lounging on the couch once more. “And you- aren’t you an adult? Why’d you tell her that?”

The samurai shrugged. “I told her I didn’t know that much about Halloween, didn’t I?”

“You’re evil!”

Kagura looked down, depressed, before she seemed to find her energy again. “Well, we’re still going out and flaunting our costumes! After all, I already told Zura to come trick or treating with us, yes?”

“Wait, why?!" This half-yell came from Gintoki, as Shinpachi was too burnt out to even question Kagura's strange train of thought.

She bit her lip stubbornly. “The yellow curry ninja is a master of disguise! If he can’t master Halloween, no one can!”

Gintoki only rolled over on the couch and covered his head.

//

Kagura bounced up and down on the balls of her feet. The light was only just beginning to fade from the sky, and the noises outside of some kids, but mostly adults, hooting and laughing grew louder by the second. She (with help from Otose) had done their best with Gintoki’s zombie makeup, though he tried to shoo them off. He’d objected that the hag and Catherine and Tama didn’t have to wear a costume, so why should he? They’d only smirked and told him to wait and see.

Shinpachi offered to stay behind and try his best to prep the house for a gigantic party, but no matter what, the two of them agreed that something would inevitably go wrong- the ice was so thin it would crack with a single misstep. So, he also came along, clad in a dress and pigtails. In the end, he could laugh it off, though with a pained expression.

(“Kagura-chan, don’t you understand? The Shinsengumi will just arrest Katsura-san and his faction! The party will be over before it even starts!”

“Aaaah, calm down, glasses! I planned ahead, yes? Everyone will be wearing their best costumes, so no one will even recognize each other!”)

Kagura insisted they leave the house at eight, as the party started at ten, and they’d need at least an hour and a half—to do what? Gintoki wasn’t sure, since she no longer believed strangers would be pouring candy on her anymore. She had equipped her much-western war getup with her “toy” rifle that hopefully could pass as such, since none of them could convince her to ditch it. At least she’d emptied the bullets from it, anyways.

The streets were flooded with men and women wearing strange costumes that mostly looked like cosplays of their favorite idols and characters, with little to no traditional scary costumes like skeletons and zombies. Some of them dragged along similarly dressed kids that looked bored.

The only addition that Gintoki had made to his own costume was a dull green jacket that he wore unzipped over the grey undershirt. The “makeup” had consisted of body paint that turned his skin so pale it was almost translucent, and a few fake scars and wounds to throw in the mix. It wasn’t bad- he guessed that even end-of-the-line, trash-cheap Amanto makeup was still significantly advanced. He wasn’t sure where they had gotten it, though.

He was still along this line of thought when a familiar voice came from behind the two of them, with a tone that was still reminiscent of his prodigy status as a child. “Well, Gintoki, it’s been a long time, hasn’t it? That costume… I expect that costume is all the Leader’s genius, ne?”

“Zura…” Gintoki didn’t turn around. “Zura, it’s been a week. You came over to watch Summer Sonata Four last week.”

“Oh. Right.” The voice didn’t seem too fazed. Gintoki turned around to face him. He heard Kagura beside him exclaim in admiration.

Zura’s costume was elaborate, as the man had always been. His long silky black hair was done in a braid that stretched across the right side of his head and dropped over his shoulder. A tight black mask stretched over his nose and cheeks, Gintoki noted with relief. Draping over his back was a scarlet cape that swept the ground, while a close-fitting black shirt adorned his chest. He bared his teeth in a deliberate motion to Gintoki, revealing black fangs that dripped with fake blood, which had dripped down his mouth onto his shirt, making quite a convincing act.

Gintoki took a moment. “…Wait, so what are you?”  
“A vampire, a vampire!” Katsura frowned. “It’s unbecoming of a samurai to not know what a vampire is, Gintoki!”

“Those two things are unrelated! Plus, aren’t you supposed to have a more creative costume?”

“Hmph. Quality over rarity.”

“Well,” Gintoki mouth quirked into a smirk, “At least you didn’t just throw on Captain Katsuura again, which was what I was expecting.”

“I was personally expecting you and Leader to dress up as a devil and a rabbit.”

“Hey!” Kagura interrupted. “I’m not that uncreative!”

“Of course not, Leader.” Katsura made a motion that appeared to be him trying to rest his arms in long sleeves that weren’t there. He ended up instead resting a hand on Kagura’s head. “But Gintoki is. As far as I know, the only time he has ever done a costume was that one time Sensei made us dress up as condimen—“

“Oi!” Gintoki yelled, mouth curved in annoyance. “Shut up, Zura!” He whacked the terrorist over the head. Said terrorist returned the strike in kind, glaring at the perm.

Kagura's eyes were gleaming. "Gin-chan did what?"

“Ohh, I also forgot that one ti—“

Shinpachi had to stop them from engaging in an all-out fistfight, Katsura laughing triumphantly the entire time.

 

Onlookers, if they were paying attention, could see an oddly mismatched (and yet completely fitting) group of a zombie, western soldier, fairy princess, and vampire walking aimlessly through the streets. The little soldier girl would occasionally go up to strangers and threaten them for candy, the fairy princess would yell over and over again, the vampire would make elaborate and grand gestures while talking, and the zombie would scoff and look bored throughout the entire trip. But all of them, whether grudgingly or widely, were smiling throughout.

(And if the onlookers looked very closely, they could just barely see a joint hand between an undead corpse and a vampire-- even as they used their other hand to muss the hair of the shorter little monsters. Hands interlaced, hidden behind a scarlet cape and a dull green jacket.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The token fluff chapter. Please inform me if I've gotten anything major wrong with Japanese culture, but for the most part I'm going to assume that since the Amanto sped up Japan's timeline, even with minor inconsistencies with the culture that can be found because I'm not too familiar with it, I can get by! Ahaha!   
> Anyways, I hope this chapter matches the tone of Gintama well.  
> Please continue to enjoy this little plot, even if it's very self-indulgent. Next chapter, Kyuutae appears and we get a little crazy with the alcohol- how can you not, with this cast?


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I enjoyed writing this chapter immensely, so I had to update quickly. Enjoy!

October 31st, Part 2 

“I’m telling you, no matter how many movie translations they make, it’ll never beat the novel.” Katsura’s brow was furrowed.

“Nope, Zura, you just can’t let go of your stupid books, you old fart.” Kagura had her eyes closed and arms crossed in a convincing, almost-mockery of the long-haired samurai. She’d gotten tired of holding her rifle and forced Gintoki to hold it, even though he made attempts to chuck it in an alley several times before getting caught. “Daniel whats-his-name did a great job of playing Harry Potter, mhm!”

“I have to agree with Kagura-chan here,” Shinpachi said, nodding seriously. “The movies may have left out some details, but the soundtrack and visuals were stunning.”

“Don’t gang up on me like this!” Zura had his lip pouted indignantly, a strange habit for a man in his late twenties, and even stranger in vampire cosplay. “Gintoki, you agree with me, ne?”

Gintoki had a hand behind his head, and chin tilted up towards the sky. “Look, you’re all idiots, okay? But if I—“

He paused, the four of them having arrived back at the Yorozuya house, only to see a small crowd formed around the house.

“Oh no!” Kagura cried. “How long have we been out?” She ran towards the Snack Shop, ducking under arms and pushing bodies out of the way violently.

“Wait—“ Katsura called, but she was already gone. “That’s strange…It certainly hasn’t been two hours, yet, so—“ But the other two Yorozuya were already trailing, albeit dejectedly, towards Kagura’s wake of destruction.

“See ya, Zura,” Gintoki said, his back receding. “Actually, maybe it’d be best if you didn’t show up.”

Katsura scoffed, picking his way back the opposite way. “…And let Leader down?” he murmured to himself.

 

Inside the Snack Shop, where you would expect panic, or at least a little unease, nothing at all had changed. Except for the fact that the robot sweeping the floors now wore a tin suit, reminiscent almost of a less advanced stereotype-- one that surely never existed in the Edo as they knew or loved.

“Oh, Gintoki-sama,” Tama greeted, the metal of her costume creaking.

“…That’s breaking the fourth wall, you know…” Shinpachi’s eye was twitching. “How many times…”

“What? This?” Tama looked down at her getup. “Catherine-sama gave it to me and said it would be amusing.” Shinpachi sucked in a breath.

“Did someone say my name?” Said aggressor emerged from the back room with a flourish, trying to attempt a hair flip, only her hair was too short to succeed. The trio, still somewhat stunned, turned to the noise only to regret seeing such an image—it’d be burned into their mind for years to come.

“Th-that’s—gross,” Kagura said, gagging and sputtering. “What did you do?!”

“What?” Catherine’s thick accent only made the effect worse. “You’d think that these bastards would be kissing my feet, huh, Otose-san?”

Catherine’s costume was less of a costume and more of an excuse. She wore an olive-colored, scaled dress that was low-cut and short, complete with tights of the same hue. Her hair was freshly washed, with thick, unflattering eyeshadow and lipstick with cool colors.

“It’s… it’s like a bad Palm cosplay…” Gintoki moaned, looking away.

Kagura snickered. “Even Shinpachi can pull off a dress better than that.”

“What’d you say?” Catherine leaped at the girl, reaching for her hair.

Otose silently smoked a cigarette by the side, smiling slightly.

“Hm?” Shinpachi looked to Otose. “Otose-san, why aren’t you wearing a costume?”

“Huh?” She took another long puff from her cigarette. “You fools actually thought I’d be wearing a costume? Well, you got another thing coming…” She ducked under the counter, a motion that made Shinpachi greatly cautious. “All I have is… Boo!” The elder leaped up at a speed that didn’t fit her age, succeeding in making Shinpachi leap a few feet in the air. On her face was a black ghoul’s mask.

The catfight to the side suddenly stopped, with two pairs of eyes on Shinpachi. “Ooo-ooh, Pattsuan,” Kagura said, grinning maniacally. “Were you scaared?”

“No, of course I knew it was Otose-san.” Shinpachi laughed awkwardly, adjusting his glasses for effect. “Don’t be silly, Kagura-chan.”

“If that’s all it takes, ahaaha…”

“I said, don’t be silly!” He tried to change topic. “Wait, we got distracted… What time is it right now, Otose-san?”

“Hm? Around nine-forty, last I checked.”

“Then, why?!”

As it turned out, the Shinsengumi were so used to being punctual, inflicted by a to-the-dot schedule, that they’d overcompensated and came thirty minutes early to a casual Halloween party. With one peek outside, the crew saw hard-faced policemen dressed in mismatching apparels, looking like they were newly store bought. At the front, three figures with straight, confident backs stood outlined against the crowds, though their faces didn’t mirror their poses.

 Shinpachi could scream his face off all he’d like, but that didn’t change the fact that one innocent invitation from a fourteen year-old had prompted the three most prominent members of Edo’s police had shown up to a bar sporting Batman, Superman, and Spiderman costumes.

As they looked closer, they could tell that the majority of the police force wore similar superhero costumes, complete with the trademark elastic tights and capes.

Hijikata, wearing the Batman costume, had his mouth set in a hard line, but he was looking pleadingly at Kondo—Superman-- out of the corner of his eye, mouth moving discreetly.

“Pft! From here, it looked like he said ‘I’m Batman’!” Kagura was trying hard not to laugh, as the five of them were peeking out of the door trying not to be noticed.

“Enough,” Otose commanded. She slid the door open with a bang. “You three—“She pointed at Kondo, Hijikata, and Okita—“Come inside. The rest of you, wait there.”

//

“So, you brought alcohol?” Otose was saying. In the background, Kagura had burst into frantic laughter, stomach clutched and finger pointing, at the two other Shinsengumi’s costumes. “It’s good business for me, but I’ll probably run out.”

“Yeah, we brought quite a—“

 Suddenly, the conversation outside skyrocketed, much too loud to be simple small talking. “What’s going on out there?”

 

The crowd had divided distinctly into two parts, superheroes and—what was the other half? They oozed fake blood and wore shoddily made, for the most part, cloth costumes. Several wore reaper, skeleton, and zombie costumes.

But then, upon closer look, there were a couple that, against the flow of the rest of the crowd, had put on dully colored dresses not unlike Shinpachi’s, with frills and sparkles. Somehow, the ones that sported dresses were far scarier a variety than those with fake scars and bloody faces.

“The Freedom Force…is…”

A not-so-subtle giant creature wearing a white sheet with scribbled black eyes led the monstrous half proudly. _What are you losers supposed to be?_ She signed furiously. _That’s not in the spirit of Halloween! Everyone knows that costumes are supposed to be scary, not flashy!_

Angry shouts surfaced from the superheroes. “Huuuh? And what are you supposed to be, bud? A ghost!? You’re just wearing a sheet!”

“Yeah!” another piped in. “And, superheroes are cool! We’re kinda like the superheroes of Edo, if you think about it! Yeah! Kinda!”

“Oh, my god,” Shinpachi said, voice rising. “We need to go stop them, you guys--!”

“Wait,” Gintoki interrupted. Outside, a third mob pushed its way in between the Jouishishi and Shinsengumi, headed by a blonde woman with hair tied into a tail for a change, a brunette woman sitting in a wheelchair, and a small hyper kid jumping up and down.

Tsukuyo cleared her throat. “We,” she began. “Have decided to become samurai for a night…in the spirit of your ‘Halloween’.”

And as she claimed, the entirety of the Hyakka was dressed not in their regular ninja clothing, but in subdued kimonos, all with sheathed swords hanging at their sides.

“Yep, I’m a samurai!” Seita cried happily. He took his own sword at his side, which turned out to be plastic, and did a few practice jabs with it, cutting air and managing to trip over his own feet, falling to the floor.

“That’s…a very strange crowd,” Otose put in. As they spoke, more and more people were arriving, characters from every nook and cranny of Edo.

“Try not to let the blonde one at any alcohol, baba.”

“They won’t all fit in the Snack Shop, Otose-san!”

“Of course they won’t, you fools... We’ll have to move the party outside.”

“Outside?! That’ll block the road!”

“Oh, please, who’ll stop us? The police?”

Kondo nodded. “She’s right, Shinpachi-kun.”

“You’re the most irresponsible policeman I’ve ever met!”

 

“…Anyways, where’s Otae-san? Hasn’t she shown up yet?” He rubbed his hands like a greedy man sealing a business deal.

“She’s over there, gorilla.” Kagura’s eyes were narrowed in disgust.

Not far from the entrance to the Snack Shop, the Shinsengumi crowd was parting with faces full of fear, as two people made their way through with matching costumes. Otae held up a steaming fist with a smile, Kyubei rubbing their arm sheepishly.

“…This is sort of embarrassing, Tae-chan,” Kyubei said. “I mean, with these costumes…”

“They’re adorable, Kyuu-chan! You look adorable!” Kyubei blushed slightly. The two of them had on penguin jumpsuits with the hoods pulled off to reveal their faces.

Otose checked the time again; it was a quarter past ten, and enough people had gathered to form a sizeable mob of mortal enemies—should be about the time to start serving drinks.

“Well, I should—“

“Wait!” Kagura looked concerned. “Soyo-chan isn’t here yet.”

“You invited the princess?!” Shinpachi laughed dismally. “Well, there obviously aren’t enough ticking time bombs here, ha, ha, hah…”

A string of music began blaring into the crowd, and suddenly it was a mash of dancing and hooting and laughing. “I think someone brought a stereo.” Gintoki informed them unnecessarily. He sighed. “I guess even policemen and J—“the Shinsengumi were still standing within earshot—“even policemen know how to have fun, I guess.”

Okita, whom was wearing a Spiderman costume, had seemed to have disappeared into the crowd already, but Hijikata and Kondo still stood talking. Hijikata looked distressed, sweat beads forming near his eyebrows. “Kondo-san, you know I hate parties…And those people, they look suspicious, we should check them out…”

“Come on, Toshi!” Kondo clapped him on the back happily. “Have some fun for once!” He got behind him and physically pushed him into the mob, ignoring loud protesting.

Every so often, a pair of people would emerge from the crowd dancing. At one point, Sacchan, wearing a predictable nurse costume, was dancing to a fast beat with Tsukuyo and got pushed out of the crowd. Tsukuyo managed to pull her back in before she could spot Gintoki and go berserk.

“Soyo-chan!” Kagura squealed.

“Kagura-chan!” The princess was wearing a long, pink, Disney-style princess dress, complete with a necessary addition of a fake knife strapped to the belt and a slip of black fabric tied around her forehead. None of the onlookers bothered to ask what she was actually attempting to be.

The two of them ran towards each other, catching the other in a spinning hug.

“Your costume is amazing!” they said simultaneously. “Oh.” They laughed almost like normal girls, and not the convoluted pair of an alien and Earth princess they were.

“Where is your brother, yes?”

“Ah,” Soyo sighed. “I couldn’t convince them to let him out of the castle…But he’s still trying!”

“Well, that’s okay!” Kagura giggled and dragged her towards the crowd. “Let’s dance a little before these freaks get drunk, mhm!”

“Well,” Shinpachi said. “I guess that’s that, huh. It’s just us five… Huh? Where’s Tama and Catherine?”

Gintoki pointed expressionlessly to a spot in the crowd where a tin box robot was frequently knocking over several partygoers in an attempt to dance, while an appalling mermaid was trying to advance on a strange unfamiliar man with a red cape.

“Go out there and charm someone, Pattsuan.” Gintoki rolled his eyes. “She’s right, people are gonna get drunk fast.”

He scratched at his face self-consciously. “Oh, well, I guess I co—“

Gintoki landed a kick to his back and he was instantly swallowed into the people.

He exhaled loudly. “Sheesh, they’re so loud…”

“Are you just going to stand over here and complain like an old man? You’re too young for that, idiot.”

Gintoki glanced at her momentarily. “Nope, just keeping a hag company. You wouldn’t wanna dance, the exertion would shorten the few years you have left, huh…”

She hit him with all the strength she could muster, leaving him holding the back of his head resentfully again.

“Hey, they gave you free alcohol, right? Can I have some?” he tried again.

Huffing, she poured him a drink, even knowing it would leave him spewing and whining in the morning.

He took a sip. “Nothing tastes better than free, y’know?”

She closed her eyes. “I’m aware.”

//

Kagura and Shinpachi spun around and around, smiling and laughing innocently, brushing people aside to make room in the semi-dense crowd.

From where Gintoki stood, he could barely see their bobbing heads, but his mouth curved up nonetheless.

“Oy, are you smiling? You sentimental bastard.”

“Don’t be stupid, hag, I was making fun of all these half-drunken idiot acting like kids.” There was a little slur in his words, the sure sign that even the few glasses he had taken were starting to take effect. “Anyways, I hope that stalker has kept that terminator away from the drinks…” He had a sudden image of the entirety of the Shinsengumi and Katsura’s faction lying dead in the streets. It would end the feuding, at least.

“All right.” Gintoki had come to a decision. “One more, hag.”

“The next time you call me hag, you’re dead, brat.” She still poured the drink, which he downed in one gulp, shuddering all the way.

Gintoki began walking to the crowd, swaying side to side.

 _He’s already drunk_ , Otose thought, shaking her head.

//

The dance was a blur, the entire mob changing instantly from slow to fast, from dance to dance, in seconds with the music.

Most of them couldn’t dance for the life of them, but had gained some semblance of footwork from fighting styles, strangely. Soon, Kagura, Shinpachi, Soyo, and Seita, had left the crowd, wrinkling their noses at the smell of alcohol and scoffing at the irresponsible adults. They formed their own group off to the side somewhere, not that anyone paid much heed.

Each person was in their own surreal world, swaying with the horde in excellent time but also being very absorbed in their friends whom they were smiling with.

Gintoki moved from person to person, sharing a few moments of dance, trying to get a feel for the music-- which he had always been horrible at, but it seemed like a good idea at the time, likely because of the alcohol.

He was pushed over to Otae, and they spent a few moments spinning around while holding in laughter, as the other’s face seemed hilarious. After a moment though, Kyubei stole her back, and they moved away, dancing in an embrace.

He saw Hedero, a small circle opened around him, wary of his build and height and general aura, moving from side to side awkwardly with a Shinsengumi man who looked terrified.

The dreamlike setting had now flooded the entire street, which gave them a bit more room, but more and more people joined the party. A man or a woman would be strolling down the street and get sucked into the crowd and start dancing without a care or a question.

Gintoki kept swaying to the beat, but the crowd only got denser and denser and denser, swallowing him, there were too many. He tried to reach for a sword on his belt, but it was wooden, not steel. He blinked.

 _This is getting kind of tedious…_ A man swathed in black elbowed him in the chest and sent him skidding backwards aways, falling straight into someone who caught his elbows.

“Oh, sorry.” Gintoki mumbled. The heat was getting unbearable…

He looked around at the person he’d fallen into, seeing a black masked face with fake blood dried around the bottom lip, staring at him with some concern. “Oh, it’s you, Zura.”

Gintoki attempted to straighten himself, shaking his head to clear the cotton blocking it.

“…The crowd _is_ quite mesmerizing, isn’t it?”

“Yepp, was hoping you wouldn’t show up, but not everything goes your way, even for protagonists.”

“Leader was very persistent.”

“Really.” They’d linked hands and started dancing, as customary in the pulsing mob, but neither let go after a few whirls. The music was up-beat and up-tempo, so they swayed back and forth without much tact. Slower dancing was easier, when it put more importance on the basic footwork.

“We haven’t done this since—“

“Agh, stop reminiscing for once, Zura, it’s annoying and I have a headache already.”

Katsura’s eyes opened a little wider. “Okay, fine.”

“The present is here.”

“I know.”

They bounced, light on their feet, for a few more seconds, before the song changed to a much slower beat. Not slow enough for slow dancing, but a calm, soothing song, a stark contrast from the previous fever of the music.

Katsura’s breath, despite his acts, smelled strongly of alcohol.

They sway, moving closer.

“You know, Gintoki—“

But Gin had closed his eyes and breathed in, and rested his head on Katsura’s shoulder, exhaled and breathed in, exhaled and breathed in.

“I’m tired, Zura.” He didn’t move.

“Do you mean—“

“Both.”

“Ah.”

Katsura had only held the pose for a moment before leaning his own head over and pressing his face into the silver curls.

//

The song changed, but they remained, swaying slightly, Katsura supporting Gintoki the best he could. People tried to avoid them the best they could, but they ended up knocking into them anyways. But they still stood.

“…Zura.” Gintoki slurred, after a while.

“Oh, good, I was afraid that you’d fallen asleep on me…”

Gintoki raised his eyes to Katsura’s lethargically.

“Oh—wait—“

Gintoki lifted his head, and pressed his lips to Katsura’s without hesitation, smoothing his silky hair with a hand, holding Zura’s back with the other, dipping him.

 _Wait, Gintoki_ , Katsura was tempted to object. _Everyone you know is here, aren’t they?_

But the colors of the Edo sky had never blurred together quite like that, and his body threatened to fall—the rising queasiness in his throat could be quenched by the kiss. He’d never been much of a drinker, but there was beauty in forgetting, beauty in the confusion induced, wasn’t there?

And thus he surrendered himself to the confusion, and put his own hand in Gintoki’s soft hair.

He kissed him back and closed his eyes—it was soft and it was home, it was so familiar, save for the eyes they felt like little ice chips all over their bodies.

_…The eyes._

All around them, the dancers had given them a berth and had slowed their own swaying to stare at the two.

It was a few moments before Gintoki and Katsura, with their muddled minds, seemed to realize this, before simultaneously they opened their eyes and broke off the long kiss. There were spots of green paint left on Katsura’s face and clothes.

“Well, shit, oops.” Gintoki sounded bored once more, though the garble hadn’t left his voice.

Somehow, their kiss had stopped the movement of much of the crowd and had many of their drunken friends staring, jerked out of the dream world- which made sense, considering the fact that Gintoki knew the majority of them personally.

There was complete and utter silence in the previously frenzied mob.

“I always knew he was gay,” Otae broke in, smirking. At her words, there was a pouring of hoots and hollers accompanied by fast conversation, including many “Wait, who is that?” from groups of men wearing superhero logos.

Okita looked blankly at the two. “Nice, danna.”

Katsura raised his eyebrows at the crowd, looking vaguely uneasy. “They have no idea, do they?”

“Nope.”

Many people clad in monster costumes were spluttering and laughing. A redhead girl broke into the circle, followed quickly by a pair of glasses wearing a human.

“Wow, you’ve done it now, Gin-san,” Shinpachi remarked, looking amused.

“Mwahaha! Now Gin-chan can’t keep sneaking around and acting like he’s subtle or something! Mommy always wins, doesn’t she!?” Kagura was distinctly triumphant.

Gintoki glared over at his employees. “Shaddup, brrts. Also, shaddup, Zura.”

“I haven’t said anything!”

“Jus fell like I needed to say t!”

The people around them meshed back into each other, a few following their lead and grabbing partners to kiss.

Out of the corner of Gintoki’s eye, he barely saw Tae lock eyes with Kyubei, before catching them in a hug and pressing her mouth to theirs. Kyubei’s face deepened a few shades of red—certainly not caused by the drinking—and their arms spun in the air a few times before locking around Otae’s waist.

“Well,” Katsura said, undulating. “Migh' as well be drunk while we’re drunk.” He caught Gintoki’s wrist and spun him around a few times like a child.

“You’re gonna make me puke, bastard!”

“Attention!” A voice projected across the lamp-lit street. The people looked left and right to try and locate the noise. It seemed Yamazaki had somehow gotten his hands on a microphone. “Yeaah, all you…foul-smelling idiots!”

“You don’t sound sober yourself!” another person shouted from the crowd, inciting a string of laughter.

“Well, yeah, meet at the booth! Drinking contest!” The laughter turned to cheers as half of the crowd seemed to migrate in one direction while the others abstained.

“Are _all_ the holidays on Earth just excuses for you weirdos to poison yourselves?” Kagura complained.

“I don’t think he should—“Shinpachi was saying to Katsura, who was nodding slightly, looking a little sick himself.

“A drr’nking contest?” Gintoki said. “Tch. Sounds boring.”

“Oh, yeah.” A blurred face walked by, black-haired. “’Cos we all know you can’t hold your alcohol.” A buzz of mirth erupted from a few people around them.

“Uhh? What ‘wos that? …Who was that?” Gintoki added as an afterthought. “Fine, then!” He started walking unsteadily with the flow of people.

“—Huh? Wait!” Shinpachi ran after the drunken man, looking distressed.

“What an idiot.” Katsura sighed, Kagura bobbing her head in agreement.

“Although…” She sniggered, looking ready to burst with something to say. “Come on, yellow curry ninja.” She grabbed him by the shirt and started dragging him towards the booth.

“But—“


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some good old fashioned Gintama fun to soothe the pain of harder times.

November 1st, Part 1

When they arrived at the drinking booth, there were already people chugging down drinks, overturning set up chairs for the competition, and still dancing with respective partners, knocking down others in attempts to twirl. As far as they could tell, Yamazaki, the initiator of the competition, was too tipsy himself to do any judging of any sort, as he was giggling and doing a convincing impression of a gorilla.

“What…” Shinpachi began.

“Elizabeth!” Katsura cried, shooting off into the direction of a white mass passing for a ghost. It wasn’t clear, but the giant had a barrel of some sort in her hands.

“Katsura-san!” Shinpachi extended his hand, but it was too late—the rebel had already gone. “Oh no—where’s Gin-san…!” It was only a moment before Shinpachi spotted him, facing to the left with a rigid back, hands stuffed in pockets. Shinpachi breathed.

Until it was clear that the crowd was now divided into two distinctive parts, facing each other down. Despite the fact that a few aimlessly wandered from side to side, the divide was clear—superheroes vs monsters (with dresses).

“Wait—“ Shinpachi looked around, but there was no reprieve from the sea of drunken adults—“Kagura-chan, where’d you go?”

“Over here!” an unfamiliar voice called. Kagura was holding up a jug of yellowish liquid that looked something like orange juice to her face, chugging it down. A sullen looking bartender stood across from her, looking lost. Shinpachi rushed over to the scene, not before Kagura accidentally spilled the juice down her costume.

“…Are you the only sober one at this entire party?” Shinpachi shook his head. “Wait, that’s not alcoholic, right?!”

“Yes, and of course not. Nice dress, by the way.” The bartender rolled his eyes and went back to sulking.

“…Okay…” Shinpachi turned to Kagura, who was readily finishing the jug, throwing it onto a pile of many others. She burped loudly. “Kagura-chan, come on…We need to stop these idiots!”

“Uhhh?” The girl stood shakily, wobbling from side to side. “Uhh, shaddup, Pattsuan…” As she got to her feet, Shinpachi could’ve sworn he could hear the juice sloshing inside her belly, but it had to be his imagination. She swayed in a very convincing act…Almost as if she were drunk herself.

“Aah, Kagura-chan…!” The panic in his voice was mounting.

Her eyes shot over to his, and she suddenly tackled him, sitting on his chest. “Oooy, Pattsuan…” she warbled like a ghost. “Gimme some candy… more candy…”

//

“Am I the only straight man left standing?!”

 The partygoers paid no heed to the plea for help. They were too busy trying to intimidate the people opposite them.

“Now…now now, everyone…” Yamazaki was grinning stupidly. The alcohol had the strangest effect on him of them all. “Don’t get your pants in a twist… No picking…teams…”

There was a thud as the policeman fell to the ground, out cold.

“What was in his drink?” The slightly concerned voice came from a beefy man in a bright yellow dress. 

“No idea.” Gintoki hiccupped. “I wanna know, though… What’s with these assholes? Why’re they looking such…idiots? Wha’d Kagura call you, weirdo in black…Batty? What the hell? No, really…What’s with the tights?”

“What kinda rock you living under, idiot? Batman and Superman, superheroes!” The yell came from across the gap between the two groups.

“How… the hell would I know that?! I onl’ read Jump!”

“At least read Magazine, chump!”

“I hope you get fired for getting drunk at a random civilian Halloween party, bastard!”

There were some scattered cheers from the Joui, sounding limp and pitying—but probably glad that Gintoki was going up against the Shinsengumi at all. Gintoki turned to them at the noise.

“And you all—I don’t even have anything…”

The man in the yellow dress leaned forward urgently. “Gintoki-san, we’re only here because Katsura-san said the cute Leader arranged this party! But, it’d still be great to get one over the Shinsengumi here, even if they don’t know it’s us, huh?! I mean, it’s been awkward, unbelievably awkward, to mingle—“

“Shut up, seriously! You’re annoying!”

“Gin-chan, you don’t know Batman?” Kagura sauntered over, looking pleased with herself. She began humming the Batman tune under her breath like she was trying to spark some sort of connection. Still swaying from side to side, she did a perfect imitation of a drunken hiccup.

“I don’t even care.”

“Underage drinking is still illegal!” a detached voice from the Shinsengumi rang out.

“Drinking?” Kagura laughed. “You idiots think I would poison myself! Nope!”

“Leader!”

A dozen cries filled the air, half of Katsura’s faction rushing over to surround Kagura, pushing and shoving to get a better look at the girl, like she was an infamous celebrity.

“Your breath is disgusting!” Kagura tried to push away a few of them halfheartedly, but she was smiling like she’d just acquired a new toy. Or, a few dozen.

“Leader, you’re up too late!” The previously sagging faction was instantly energetic. “Leader, command us!”

Kagura blinked, then beamed. “Oh…okay! Attack, yes!?”

“You can’t attack them.” Gintoki said.

“Aim for the barrels!” she added.

“Sir, yes, sir!”

Yamazaki was still laying on the floor, but he weakly reached for the microphone a few feet from his head and spoke into it. “Ah—ah, start, then!”

The monstrous crowd hoisted Kagura up like she were crowd surfing, running for the drinks shouting battle cries. “Yes!” Kagura encouraged. “Destroy them!”

“Hey!” a voice from the Shinsengumi shouted. “False start!”

“It’ll be even worse if you monkeys don’t get your act together, mhm!”

Okita had resurfaced from the crowd, still sporting a, now slightly worn, Spiderman costume that accentuated his young face a bit too much. He looked upon his team for a moment before attempting to wrangle them, something that Kondo and Hijikata were still too despairing to do.

“Then, Shinsengumi, attack!” None of them moved, and Sougo almost made a move to unsheathe his sword on one of his subordinates, before he simultaneously remembered he didn’t bring it, and realized his mistake. “…There’s really no collective name for you guys, you come from conflicting franchises… Well, superheroes, attack!”

His voice was surprisingly clear. The Shinsengumi paused for a moment, like they wanted to disagree with the disappointing name, before charging forward, crying out their own challenges.

Gintoki rubbed at his hair, raising his eyebrows at the sight of the two crowds, obliviously charging towards each other. It’d be almost awkward to join in now. “Huh… Looks like the fated Shinsengumi and Katsura battle actually came to fruition.”

//

Even Kondo and Hijikata were contributing their fair share, guzzling down drinks as fast as anyone else, but soon they had to take a break, shaking from side to side madly.

A couple of footsteps approached Gintoki, where he still stood looking dumb.

“Yees, Elizabeth… that was quite the— “Katsura cut off his sentence with a gasp. “What are they doing?!”

He and Elizabeth, having returned from whatever strange activity they had been performing—it looked like an arm wrestle from a distance—looked at the crazed drinking fest like it was the apocalypse. Katsura ran to Gintoki and grabbed him by his shirt. “Gintoki, explain this!”

“…Hey…” Gintoki shoved his face away roughly. He took a breath. “Well, that fourteen year old girl went and took control of your troops in about three seconds, can’t blame them, you always make--”

“What! But… I’m the leader too!” The two rushed off in direction of the shoving masses, Katsura’s long hair streaming behind him and yelling, “How could you let this happen--?!”

Gintoki snorted. “I didn’t let anything happen.” As fast as it had arrived, the noise had distanced itself from Gintoki. Without the crowd, it was obvious that they hadn’t even been pulled that far from the Snack Shop, just a bit down the street.

He sighed, taking in some fresher air.  It was enough to clear his senses somewhat, even though his head pounded and the world spun a little more than normal.

He glanced around. He could feel the nausea coming on, but he was in a strange limbo between drunken jubilance and blacking out.

There were a few scattered groups, but mostly the party had divided into the drinking contest and those who still stood dreamily dancing with each other.

 

Save for one who stood alone, wearing the same red and white patterned costume. Gintoki raised a brow.

Okita hadn’t stood too far away from him, almost beckoning him to come over.

So he paced a few steps to the left, already regretting the conversation. “Not supporting your team?” He hiccupped despite himself.

The brunette looked over at him. “No, I haven’t gotten any alcohol tonight.

I thought it would prove to be an interesting party. Combining all you guys and drinks is always…fun.” He grinned evilly, showing white canines. “And it was.” He laughed a bit ironically.

“…I can’t believe you kissed Katsura Kotarou, boss. You sure do lead a strange life.”

Okita spared a look of genuine curiosity before turning away, chuckling.

Gintoki blinked a couple times, confused. He pressed a hand to his forehead.

His thoughts were too sluggish. “I forgot about that.” He considered. “What the hell… he’d better forget that in the morning.” He raised his head, trying to gather his words from the murkiness of his head, but the back of Spiderman had already gone.

//

Kyubei and Otae were still dancing against the thinned out crowd. Every so often, someone would attempt to break into their dance, by which they were very violently rejected. Now that so much of the crowd had left, there was room to spin and laugh. Now that the crowd wasn’t so dense, there were many groups just standing and talking, but the music still played, so there were still dancers.

“Hmm…” Tae relinked their hands, her knuckles still burning with heat from the punch she had delivered to a random intruder. “Everyone else is over there, do you think we should--?”

“No!” Kyubei yelled. Then, after seeing Otae’s surprised face, they repeated it much more gently. “No…It’s nice, just spending time with you… Tae-chan.”

Otae smiled softly. “I see.”

“Plus,” Kyubei added. “Finally that rotten gorilla stalker is away from you!”

“…Kyuu-chan… You stalk me too, sometimes…”

“Ah.” Kyubei gave a pleading, apologetic look.

Otae laughed good-naturedly. “Not as much, I guess?”

They spun and giggled, graceful in moving but probably off-beat to the music that they didn’t bother to listen to.

“Kyuu-chan, you’re a good dancer,” Tae said after a while. “I never knew…”

//

Sacchan and Tsukuyo had finally made their way over to the drinking stand, but Sacchan had linked their arms forcefully and was attempting to drag her friend away. “Tsukki, don’t do it, Tsukki!”

“Stop repeating that annoying nickname!” Tsukuyo took a breath. “And, I get the memo, all the Hyakka are over there, after—“

But Sarutobi was no longer listening.

Her pupils had dilated, locking onto a target in the distance, a silver haired man with smeared zombie makeup and a confused look.

“G—Gin-san?“

“Oh-- Sarutobi, no--!”

But the ninja had already shot like a bullet towards her target, screaming a mantra of obsession.

Gintoki was delayed a few more moments than he would’ve been when he was sober, but it wasn’t hard to miss Sacchan. “Oh—“

 He glanced over, considering for a moment opening his arms for a hug, then started running, swerving side to side, for the drinking booth. He dove in between the jostling people for cover.

“Gin-san!” she moaned regretfully, but the two teams were clashing like they really were at war, and providing excellent camouflage, despite the fact that Shinsengumi had no idea they were fighting their mortal enemies. Most of the Shinsengumi, at best.

“Act your part!” Kagura was still commanding the Joui, her voice carrying over like she had a megaphone. “Act more ravenous and evil, mhm! Especially you guys in the dresses!” Outside of the crowd, there were many people puking in between houses, trying to get shooed away by tired-looking owners.

Kagura spotted him, ducking among the monster costumes. She promptly marched over to him, nearly the spitting image of the soldier she had dressed to be, save for the happy gleam in her eyes. “Gin-chan!” She took a bottle from behind her back and nearly shoved it down his throat trying to get him to drink. “Do your duty, soldier!”

He was forced to chug some down before prying the bottle off of his mouth, and looking around a few times before addressing Kagura. “Where’s Shinpachi?” he said, words slurring again. “We need…a straight man… most unorganized drinking contest ever! Where’s the judge, huh? Where are the friends? You guys are just drinking ‘cause you wanna, right?”

“Oh, right…I may have, mugged him, I think?”

“Mugged him?” Gintoki’s eye was twitching, but with the alcohol, it was impossible to tell if the poor impulse control came from the drinking or disbelief.

“For candy, yes! He’s fine, though.”

“Come on, the only other straight man—“he pointed to Hijikata, who was tearing half his Batman sleeves off, yelling, “Too cold!”—“is him, and he’s too far gone, y’see?!”

“It’s for the win, soldier!”

“Like I—“Gintoki paused to retch, whatever was in that drink was disgusting—“Like I said, your judge passed out, didn’t he?”

“Nope, we’ve got the old lady, soldier!”

“Huh?!” She pointed to the makeshift booth they had created, where Otose stood distributing more drinks, and sizing up the two growing piles of empty bottles.

“Well, I have to go tend to my troops, mhm! You’d better finish that bottle!” She started in the direction of Katsura, who looked to be brooding in the corner, probably at the prospect of even Kagura was a better Leader than him. Gintoki looked down at the nearly full bottle in his hands.

“…What the hell?” He pressed the bottle that had left an ugly taste in his mouth to his lips, and drank.

//

There was a loud smack as a man was sent flying, hitting the back of a girl and sending them both sprawling. He’d, apparently, gotten into an argument with another man over Marvel versus DC, which quickly degenerated into a simple fistfight. The man who had punched him looked on a bit blankly before returning to his clique.

It had to have been a solid five minutes since the contest had been officially started, and already people were dropping like flies. The unlucky ones who didn’t have friends aware enough to drag them out of harm’s way were being jostled and stepped on. A few noble volunteers went around and checked on the victims.

The contest had yet to be stopped, even as each team guzzled more and more, until they were too drunk to tell left from right.

Kondo was one of the loudest, slinging an arm around a subordinate every few minutes and shouting war cries as he finished drink after drink. Hijikata, standing not far from him, had slowed to an almost stop, looking ill.

Gintoki’s expression was subdued and spacey, glancing down at the half empty bottle in his hands, having forgotten he was supposed to be drinking. He looked over—Kagura and Katsura were still visible. His feet started moving towards the people of their own accord. His head was fuzzy, and it was fun.

From behind, a man collapsed nearly on top of Gintoki, knocking some air out of him, and the bottle from his slippery fingers. It landed on the floor with a resounding crack, the alcohol spilling on the floor.

“Hey!” He looked accusingly at the man, but he was already passed out. “…Whatever.”

“Ooooy!” Kondo shouted from behind him. “Take this, you monsters!” There was a sporadic clapping rhythm, probably best that the crowd could manage, and a loud belch.

Gintoki looked back briefly, seeing the chief, with Hijikata and Sougo at his side, chugging another drink. Sougo had joined the festivities after all, his own drink in hand. Hijikata, with his newly ripped off sleeves, appeared to have Yamazaki in a choke hold, his eyes rolled back into his head. Sougo was smiling broadly, hitting Kondo on the back so strongly it pushed him forward with every hit. Kondo lost his dinner.

“Gin-chan!” Kagura appeared out of the crowd once again. “Where’s your bottle, yes? We’re losing!”

“It look’d the same to me. Worrying ain’t like reading a book.”

“Huh?”

Katsura appeared behind her, with Elizabeth at his side, a hole torn in her sheet. Katsura handed a drink to Gintoki. Somewhere along the way, he’d lost his plastic fangs. “Uhh… drink.” His fluency was lost to whatever drinks Kagura had forced him to intake.

“Don’t… tell me whatta do.” A strange unbidden laugh erupted from Gintoki’s mouth, so he put a hand over it to stop it.

Kagura looked at him strangely. “Alcohol does weird things to you, Gin-chan. Now you’re acting all tsundere. It isn’t like you, yes!”

“I hav’ no idea what you’re talkin’ about, brat.”

“Mm.” Katsura was nodding, but the motion made him fall against Kagura. He straightened and tried again. “Y…know what they say, Leader. Alcohol loosens the tongue.”

“It sure did, mhm!”

“Gah, you guys‘re the mos’ annoying combo in th’s show.”

Gintoki walked away. Maybe he’d find a nice quiet place to crash; these idiots made a party ten times more exhausting than normal. It had to have been at least five hours, by now…or, it seemed that way…

//

Tsukuyo wandered around the drinks, glancing nervously at the crazed mob. Men got stupid when they lost their judgement. She didn’t want to have to use force.

Tama was standing at the counter clad in some sort of metallic gear, none that Tsukoyo was familiar with. “Hello, Tsukoyo-sama.”

“Hello.” Tsukoyo contemplated the drinks she was setting out, and then her own costume. She was supposed to be acting as a samurai, but as of now she hadn’t done anything whatsoever to play her role.

The one thing that she was sure that samurai did…

She closed her hand around one of the drinks.

“Wait!” Otose rushed over to the blonde, the drink halfway to her mouth. “There’s a better way to deal with these idiots.”

//

Otose cleared her throat over the microphone, trying to grab the attention of the two teams.

Some looked her way, but some kept on drinking furiously and laughing.

“Stop! Time’s up!” Most of the people had turned to face her, but the noise was still overpowering—not that one could expect to wrangle such a crowd. “Catherine and Tama will now tally the score.”

The mermaid and tin box robot walked over to the piles, by which their teams were eagerly waiting, laughing amongst themselves raucously.

They quickly counted the bottles, Tama much more efficient in this than Catherine, and walked back over to Otose.

 They whispered among themselves for a moment, before Otose nodded. “I see. There has been, by some freak of nature, some kind of draw.”

“Huh?! You’re lying, granny!” Both teams started yelling furiously.

The noise rose in the room until even the microphone had been drowned out. Tama raised her broom and sent a column of fire across the room, effectively quieting their protests.

Otose continued. “There are two ways you can choose to settle this. One, is a one on one drinking contest—“

“No!” Kagura yelled from across the room. “No, old lady! We refuse!”

“Okay…” Otose went on.

Kagura muttered in a low voice to Katsura, “We don’t have anyone left to do that, curry ninja.”

“And the second option is a short scavenger hunt, with only one item… Do you accept?”

There was a scattered yell of assent from both teams. Both the Joui and Shinsengumi rushed forward to learn their terms.

“You’re evil, Otose-sama.” Tama informed her.

//

Gintoki tried to wander away, his cup still held loosely in hand.

The stars in the sky seemed to blur into one. There wasn’t any fever to the crowd, except an urgency to win that had them all downing the drinks as fast as possible. He saw some kind of rush to the stand, but he didn’t bother to look back. By the end of the party, everyone who participated certainly wouldn’t remember their names.

He swayed, and would’ve collapsed if not for the hand that grabbed his shoulder.

Instinctually, he elbowed the helping hand in the face.

It shrieked girlishly. “Gin-san!”

Shinpachi held his nose, running with a little blood. He stood beside a familiar face armed with glasses, purple hair, and a skimpy nurse costume.

“Uhh—oops, Pattsuan, gotta—“

“Wait, Gin-san!” He wiped his nose on the front of his dress, making for a much more gruesome princess than imagined, with the blood smeared on his face and down his collar. “She’s not here to attack you, don’t worry.”

“It’s true!” The crazed light in her eyes that appeared whenever Gintoki was around hadn’t dulled, though. “It’s just… I kinda—“she giggled guiltily—“Lost Tsukki.”

“…Huh?”

//

Katsura and Kagura had appeared behind the two, Katsura blinking deliriously. “Who?”

“Tsukki, you numbskull—“

Sacchan froze, face suddenly red, eyes focused on Katsura. “Wait-- you’re the one…”

Unbeknownst to the five of them, a large number of people had already locked onto their location and were surrounding the small group that was interlocked in conversation. Hijikata extended his hands in front of his body, making claw motions, and muttering beneath his breath his inconveniences. The drinks had only served to make Okita sillier. Kondo still had alcohol dripping from his mouth, and had abandoned his nice-guy character in exchange for a fiery, drunken competitiveness.

The rest of the Shinsengumi followed suit, with the Jouishishi, having no commander and thus freely acting, jostling for a place too.

“That I heard assaulted my boyfriend!”

None of the five looked up. Sacchan’s words hung stiffly in the air. Gintoki no longer felt anything, only raising his head to the ceiling of stars and laughing in the incoherent way drunks have.

Shinpachi, probably the only sane one left, lunged for Sacchan, trying to restrain the delusional stalker, but she slipped through his fingers. She pounced at Katsura, whose reactions were delayed, scratching at his face like a cat. Katsura held up his hands in surrender.

“No, I have no idea who they are.” Gintoki was saying to no one in particular.

“We never even got the chance to get together!”

A slip of black fabric fell to the floor soundlessly, and the shock emitted by Shinpachi was enough to make Sacchan stop in her tracks.

“What?” she growled at the boy, but he was only shaking his head.

The rebel’s face was now exposed, and he didn’t get a moment to cover it before there was a loud yell from the Shinsengumi. His sadly ravaged costume barely existed, with dry fake blood flaking around his mouth, black shirt dirty from a few plunges, and scarlet cape still hanging limply across his back.

Otose, still at the booth, looked up, baffled. It didn’t seem like her small fun would come to pass, after all.

“I-it’s Katsura!” Every policeman eye was on the five of them, and every Jouishishi eye was on the now-enlightened Shinsengumi. The whisper spread throughout the police force.

“Oh.” Sacchan backed away. She laughed apologetically. "I actually don't care that much, you see... Okay."

“No, no, no…” Gintoki muttered, words bleeding into one another. He lowered himself to a sitting position. “No, this … this’s bad, don't beat such a dead horse...it's crying...”

Shinpachi patted his back, eyes closed in resignation. “We knew we were treading on thin ice, Gin-san. Don’t feel bad.”

Zura was visibly panicking, off in his own world. “M-m-my mask!”

Kagura raised a fist at the sky, yelling profanities. “Some things are sacred!” she moaned.

 “W-wait.” Zura had fallen onto his back, although he saved the drinks in his arms. “Uh, should I run now?”

“You …can’t run ina straight line, Zura, but neither can they, hu-uh.” Gintoki tilted his head up at the sky, grabbing a drink from Katsura, to which Katsura scoffed.

Gintoki poured the contents over his face, only catching a couple drops in his mouth. He crushed the cup.

Everything after was indistinct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy. Now only to flesh out the last chapter of this little story. I'll try to update soon...when I'm not hunting Pokemon.


	5. 5

November 1st, Part 2

There was a pressure building in Gintoki’s stomach.

It was heavy, and he couldn’t grab enough air. Crushing his lungs and pressing him against the asphalt. A bright orange film covered his eyes.

“No…” he sputtered, trying to shove the body away. His arms trembled, and he barely could hold the mass. Dead eyes stared back.

“I didn’t--Justaway—“

 

“It’s not Justaway, it’s Katsura,” the doll muttered back.

“I think Gin-san’s awake,” a voice hissed from behind Gintoki.

Gintoki screwed his eyes shut and opened them again, with much difficulty. Much of the world had faded to dull greys, save for the midday sunlight that came after him with a vengeance.

He tried to curl up, only to find his body pinned down by several corpses.

“What the hell,” he deadpanned, trying to cover his eyes with a free hand.

He raised his eyes to the ceiling, where Catherine stood smugly, thankfully wearing her normal clothes again. “Sakata-san got a bad hangover?”

“I don’t care.” Gintoki groaned. His brain was expanding behind his skull. “Is this you guys idea of funny?”

He flicked his eyes over to a few people draped over his room. He couldn’t focus much on anything, but he didn’t think he saw any superhero costumes, at least.

Zura in particular was crushing Gintoki’s stomach, haphazardly thrown with arms cuffed behind his back. Someone’s arm was behind his neck, nails leaving indents. A giggle came from some direction, he wasn’t aware which.

And they all were sweating.

“Huh, that’s a nice way to talk to people who brought you idiots inside!”

“You didn’t do anything, Catherine.” Otose was standing in the doorway, with Shinpachi, Kagura, Tama, and Tsukuyo by her side. Tama’s face was devoid of emotion, with blank eyes, and Tsukuyo’s face was lost in thought.

“Hey, _most_ of the sane people went home before they collapsed in a town of hooligans, yes? Not our fault they didn’t.”

“Oh!” Shinpachi said. “Kagura-chan, where’s Soyo-hime?”

“Mm…” Kagura sounded thoughtful. “She left last night, yes? If she stays out too late they won’t let us be friends anymore.”

“That’s good! Actually, Aneue is gone too…I tried to look for her too, but I couldn’t find her.”

Kagura’s voice was laced with disgust. “No one wants to hear about your sister complex. Anego is a grown woman, mhm!”

Gintoki made a sound halfway between murderous and pleading. He still couldn’t make a move to cut himself off from the outside world, pinned down by many people. “Shut up. Your voices.”

Katsura frowned in his sleep. Gintoki tried, as quietly as he could, to wrestle out of the pile of hungover partiers. The arm around his neck was some weirdo in a pink dress. He was sleeping fitfully.

When it seemed like he was almost free, save for Katsura still crushing his ribs, a white gloved hand latched onto his ankle. Sarutobi still had her eyes closed. She was speaking under her breath.

“She got drunk too?” He regretted every word as it left his mouth, as it sent pulses of pain through his head with every articulation.

“Yep. Had a great time too,” Shinpachi said absently.

“Hag, come on, I got you so much revenue last night, give me something…anything…”

“There’s no cure for stupid.”

“Please?”

“You’re whiny.”

//

By the time she made it back with a skimpy few glasses of water, the people in the room were beginning to stir.

Sadaharu was snoozing peacefully outside the door. Over the years he’d seemed to acquire the ability to sleep through any sort of noise.

Gintoki didn’t even have the strength to try to escape. He wished he could slice up the sunlight invading his personal space. If Tatsuma really wanted to improve the relationship between Amanto and Earthlings, that’s what he should do. Find a way to get rid of the sun.

He also, in no particular order, needed earplugs, for the wave of groans not unlike his that swept the room as they awoke each other like dominoes.

There was a crash of complaining—so much for dignified defenders of the age of samurai. Zura’s eyes were agape, though not awake. A couple men stumbled to their feet.

“Uuuh.” Gintoki gathered his strength and flipped Katsura off of him. Stupid brats. Katsura made a strained noise and caught himself just barely.

“I don’t care whatever the hell you do about this, but I’m not doing anything.” He slowly took a glass of water and downed it.

“It’s your mess, Gin-chan!”

“It was your party!”

“I didn’t even get any candy!”

“There’s nothing we can do anyways, Gin-san.” Shinpachi sounded a little sympathetic.

“K-Katsura-san, are you okay?!” A slightly recovered man with dark circles under his eyes was on his feet, looking at his commander with concern.

Katsura was in a sitting position, eyes squinted in pain. His arms were still cuffed behind his back, twisting in an uncomfortable position. He made a few incoherent noises before finding his voice. “I believe I stole the key…but it fell out…it’s over there, one of you, get it.”

“See,” Gintoki muttered. He wrestled himself into a sitting position as well, holding his head. He groaned again.

“Gintoki, you’re pathetic.”

“Whaat, you guys aren’t gonna cling to each other’s’ clothing again, are you?” Kagura was laughing.

“Huh?”

“Honestly,” Otose said. She looked like she had more to say.

“What?!”

Katsura looked curious. “I imagine they’ll get over it in a few days. It still stands that you’re pathetic.” He rubbed at his wrists, now freed.

Gintoki exhaled. “What.”

//

“Who’s outside?” Gintoki took a gulp of strawberry milk, now recovered enough to walk to the kitchen.

Sacchan was just starting to rouse. Apparently, she took alcohol badly as well, because she had her head in between her legs and was yelling at Shinpachi for water. Tsukoyo was sitting beside her, rubbing her back sympathetically. The rest of the Jouishishi were respectfully staying out of sight in Gintoki’s room.

“The one who asked Tama out,” Otose clarified.

“I forget his name.” Gintoki sat back down, headache not much better.

“It’s Yamazaki!” Shinpachi looked affronted.

Katsura called from the kitchen, “I thought I told you this sad excuse for food doesn’t have any place in the stomachs of aspiring Jouishishi, Gintoki!”

“And I thought I told you to get out of my house!” Gintoki rolled his eyes, then winced. He stood up to look out of the window. “Yama-who? They just leave him?”

 “Guess so, mhm. Maybe they just forgot. He’s forgettable.”

Shinpachi cleared his throat loudly. “Anyways, he—“

There was a shriek, and another moment to realize it had come from Shinpachi. “Gin-san, behind you!”

“What is it, a murderer?” Gintoki would’ve looked bored, if not for the constant whiny expression on his face caused by the alcohol. “If so, I welcome it…” He turned around.

The plump black rat with huge, unblinking green eyes once again stared back at him. “Oh, you gotta be kiddin’…”

He took a few steps backward, knocking into Kagura, whose eyes were wide. “Aah, a rat!” she said somewhat mechanically. “Save me, Gin-chan!”

“Who did you learn that from, Kagura-chan?” Shinpachi asked, the last of his sentence turning high-pitched as she shoved Gintoki forward to deal with the rat.

“Let it bite you, Gin-chan!” she cheered. “Maybe you’ll finally get the protagonist powers you’ve always wanted!”

Gintoki paused. “Good point…” But he stopped his fall just before the rat, which hadn’t moved, just watching their exchange. “I’m going to sit back down. Pattsuan, you got this.”

“What?! No--!” The stationary rat suddenly scurried forward, shimmying towards Gintoki’s hand pressed to the floor.

Gintoki didn’t notice this, of course. The rat drew closer and closer, and it was much too close to Gintoki’s fingernail before Shinpachi noticed it and let out a warning.

“Hm--?”

Gintoki’s eyes widened slightly, before the rat exploded into guts before his eyes. “Oh.”

There was a sandal grinding the rat into the floorboards, leaving stains of blood in the wood. Gintoki looked up, predictably finding Otae’s smiling face connected.

She’d let herself in, both her and Kyubei now sporting their regular clothing.

“Aneue—the plot! You just—you just squashed the plot!” Shinpachi gestured wildly to the stain on the floor that represented where the rat had just been. “The rat, it followed us home, it was supposed to…” He started ranting under his breath.

“Was that important?” Otae’s face was livelier than usual, with flushed and healthy color, and a happier demeanor.

Shinpachi looked up. “…No, I guess…”

“Violent woman!” Sacchan shot up out of her chair, hitting her head on the ceiling. She collapsed back onto the floor. “Ow. “She sheepishly pulled back in her legs and looked down. “I’m just going to go lay down.”

Shinpachi handed her a blanket, and she tried to retreat to her favorite cupboard. Tsukoyo caught her by the collar. “Wait, Sarutobi. Let’s just get home.”

Sacchan agreed without much fight, looking very under the weather. As the two left, Shinpachi asked, “When did they get so close?”

Gintoki looked at the rat and then Sacchan’s receding figure for a moment before shrugging and returning to sit down on the couch. “You look happy.”

“Do I?”

“Anego, did you see a boring-looking guy outside?” Kagura swung her feet.

Otae placed a hand on her cheek. “Actually, I can’t remember. Do you remember, Kyuu-chan?”

Kyubei, who had previously been silent, cleared their throat. “I … Huh. I think I saw a little blonde teen passed out when we came in… Maybe there was a black-haired man too? They both were wearing flashy superman costumes?”

“How come you two don’t have hangovers?”

“It would take a lot more than that.”

Katsura reentered the room, with hair slightly groomed. At least, all the random dirt and objects it had collected during the night had been removed. He was wearing his regular blue kimono sashed, although his haori was missing.

“Huh? Katsura-san, where’d you get your clothes back?”

“I k—I put it here before the party. One doesn’t become a great leader without preplanning, Shinpachi-kun.”

“Enough with the small talk,” Otose said, closing her eyes. “Go check if the Shinsengumi are really still outside!”

“Um…Yes, ma’am!” Shinpachi walked back to the window. Sure enough, two men with smooth hair were leaned against the wall, attracting sizeable attention.

“Huh?” Kyubei’s face was red. “T-those were the Shinsengumi? I had no idea!”

Shinpachi and Kagura rushed down the stairs, with Otose, Catherine, Tama, Kyubei, and Otae close after. From the sun, it was probably around four o’clock already.  

The strange combination of Okita and Yamazaki was leaning against each other on the wall. Kagura went up and promptly slapped Okita across the face, despite protests from Shinpachi.

“Why is that the first thing you do when someone is asleep?!”

He opened an eye, looking dazed. A little bit of dribble collected around his mouth. He certainly did look like a drunk, uncharacteristic and unaware. “Oh—“He frowned, and swung a fist at Kagura.

She blocked, and leapt backwards. Okita at once closed his eyes again, putting his arms over his head. Yamazaki woke up, letting out a little yelp of pain at sudden consciousness. He did the same thing.

“Go home,” Otose said.

Kagura and Okita were arguing loudly, so fast back and forth that there was no substance to their words.

“Kagura-chan,” Otae put in sweetly, grabbing the backs of both of their shirts.

“Go home,” Otose repeated. “The rest of your flock already has.”

“The sun hurts,” Yamazaki said sadly.

“Yeah, we know,” Kagura said impatiently.

“Okay.” Okita’s face was more composed now. He looked like he were thinking.

“Okay?”

“Come on, Yamazaki.” Okita started walking slowly in the vague direction of the police station. Yamazaki fumbled to get up, tripping a few times.

“Hey, wait, it’s a long way to the police station!” Otose’s eyes were narrowed a little.

“We’ll manage.”

Unbeknownst to the rest of them, Okita circled back to leave a slip of paper outside the Yorozuya. Gintoki found it the next day, and subsequently ignored it.

//

The group returned up the stairs, all a little confused, but making lots of noise nonetheless. Katsura was handing Gintoki one of the drinks in his hands, looking askance. A little steam rose out of the cups. He sat down on the couch as well and took a sip.

“Are they gone?” Gintoki’s face was indifferent. “I’ll go back to sleep, then?”

“Yep, they’re gone!”

“Great, now if only the lovebirds, the hag, the robot, the herd of rebels, the cat, the—“

“We get it, Gin-san.”

“If you get it, you should leave.”

“Me too!?”

//

“There’s a man that lives west of here, I think…Rundown house…” Shinpachi was speaking to Katsura seriously. The downstairs trio had left to clean the bar for a new night.

Katsura nodded a few times throughout the spiel. “I see.” He mentally scribbled this down. He’d pay a visit.

Kagura scratched the back of her head, much like Gintoki. “So, Zura, you’re gonna cook for me tonight, right?”

He looked over, a bit pleadingly. “Leader, I still have places to be…”

“Oh, c’mon, Shinpachi’s terrible at cooking and Gin-chan always weasels out of it!”

“Zura always cooks plain,” Gintoki interjected.

“Do you expect me to inject pure sugar into a meal? And not Zura, Katsura.”

“Yes.”

“Well, Leader, it’s been a day already, and I still have things—“

The other Jouishishi crossed into the room. “Katsura-san!” they said, several of them holding hands over their hearts. “How could you do that to Leader?”

“I see where this is going,” Gintoki said. He made a move to get up, and then thought better of it, and sat back down. There wasn’t much anyone could do to make him leave the house with such a headache.

From the other side of the room, Kyubei cleared their throat. “Um, Tae-chan, do you want to…go out for dinner…or something?”

Otae laughed, and placed a quick kiss on Kyubei’s burning cheeks. “Sure. No more drinking, though.”

“Of course not.”

They walked out as Katsura predictably agreed to Kagura’s demands.

Shinpachi filled Gintoki and Katsura in on what had happened last night. Both of them didn’t react very boldly.

“I’m going back to sleep,” Gintoki said after he was done. “I’m sick of all your faces.”

//

“Tae-chan, you do know it’s not dinnertime yet, right?”

“I had a light lunch anyways. We can walk around a bit, if you’d like.”

“No, that’s fine.”

“Wait, one second.”

Otae hurried off, leaving Kyubei for a few minutes, before she returned, and they continued on.

Kyubei opened the door to a small diner with a flourish, holding it open for Otae.

They settled down, with only one other couple eating opposite them. The quiet was a nice change.

//

They ended up using all of the groceries Shinpachi had collected. Kagura poured a large bowl for Sadaharu, claiming he deserved it after putting up with all the commotion. It was already getting dark out, and the rest of the Jouishishi had left—even if they had stayed, there wouldn’t be any extra food for them.

Shinpachi approached her, hands behind his back. “Here, Kagura-chan.” He presented a small grocery bag filled with wrapped candies.

“Pattsuan!” She took the bag greedily and smiled widely for him. “Yay!”

Gintoki emerged from his room again, yawning. His hair stuck up in every direction, but at least he had changed into his normal clothes, that weren’t normal at all, really.

“Careful, don’t eat it too fast, or the pumpkin ghost will catch you.”

“Really?”

“He wants to eat your candy, Kagura-chan.”

“Nonsense!” Gintoki placed a hand on Shinpachi’s head. "I feel like a prisoner in my own home."

They invited Otose, Tama, and Catherine to eat with them.

As expected, Katsura’s food was by-the-book and traditional. No grand food wars ensued, but Kagura did eat five times the amount of a normal human, with a side of half of her given candy, which Gintoki tried to steal at several points during the night.

"I'm going to get even more creative with the costumes next year," Kagura declared, smoothing out her camouflage uniform. 

Kagura gave Katsura a death-grip hug when it was all over, nearly crushing his ribs. “Shinpachi-kun, a little help—“

“That’s way more than I usually eat!” Kagura said happily.

//

Otae and Kyubei had sat and talked for so long that the waiter had threatened to throw them out, so they ordered. The food was sloppy, but even in the dinner hours, it was peaceful and nice.

At one point in the night, after Kyubei had burst into little giggles at one of Otae’s remarks, Otae had presented her with a single flower from her purse, and placed it in her hair. Kyubei’s face almost matched the hue of the flower.

They walked out when it was late, saying reluctant goodbyes, and Kyubei thanking her relentlessly. She objected to this.

“I should be thanking you,” Otae laughed.

“No…” They flushed, always too formal. “I like spending time with you.”

“I know. Me too. But there’s always tomorrow.”

“Really?”

//

After a while, they all ate their fill, and Katsura made to leave. A busy man, he claimed, though no doubt he was just making silly Joui advertisements involving Elizabeth wearing a wig.

He patted both Kagura and Shinpachi on the heads stoically.

As he exited with a flourish, he brushed by Gintoki and said something to him. Gintoki’s face grew incredulous quickly, and he retorted reflexively. Katsura wasn’t out of the door when Gintoki started cracking up. 

He had said, with a regularly serious face, "You owe me a lunch." 

Shinpachi and Kagura both agreed this was very funny.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this as a mechanism to help a little writer's block, and also because I love domestic Yorozuya + Zura, and Kyuutae! Admittedly, there are one or two loose ends, but assume that they simply didn't fit under the prompt of Halloween, and I may further write them later. So, I hope my thoughts aren't too jumbled overall. It was lots of fun, over a short period of time, so I hope you enjoyed!


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